Sponge bath it is.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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