I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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