oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
