So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Ketchup is God's man juice
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
