I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
