Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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