My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
