Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
