Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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