woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
