So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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