Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
