There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
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