My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
