i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
