lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
