Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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