Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
