the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
