Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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