Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
