you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
