And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
