I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
