Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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