I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize