I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
