Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
