If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
