He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Never let your siblings swipe right.
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