Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
