I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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