I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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