So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize