Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
