I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
