those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
