Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
