I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
