Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
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