I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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