please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
