You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
