It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
