She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
