DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
