We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
