You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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