so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
