I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
