He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
