Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
