Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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