that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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