he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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