I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
