i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
