have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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