I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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