so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
