Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
