I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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