We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize