White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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