My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
