benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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