she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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