I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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