During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
