My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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