from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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