did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
