did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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