i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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