forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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