Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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