Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You need Xanax blowdarts
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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