...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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