No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
