also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
