the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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