I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
