yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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