Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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