my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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