I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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