I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
