I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i think i have herpe
just one?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
