so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
