I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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