Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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