it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
