You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Randomize
