All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
