Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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