So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
