I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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