I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
