I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize