Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
