Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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