perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
