We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
