watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
