Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
