Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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