You can't motorboat a personality
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
