I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Randomize
