My friends, they love my intelligence
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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