i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
