I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
