I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
