I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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