The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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