are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
