You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
