So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
